I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
