thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
