I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
