my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
