You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize