Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
