I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bring me that man meat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
