After last night, I could never be a politician.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
