i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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