Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
