wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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