What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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