Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
