Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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