I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize