Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
