God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
