there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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