I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
