I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize