ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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