My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
