it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
