I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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