She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize