so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
