I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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