Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
