She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
