Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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