I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
