I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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