just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize