Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
