He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
