This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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