if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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