I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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