My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
