hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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