no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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