I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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