Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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