Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
