As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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