i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
