it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize