You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
