Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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