I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
