is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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