I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
