Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
