jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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