i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
