I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
