just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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