I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
