this boner is exhausting
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
