Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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