I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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