I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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