Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
