I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
high people should be assigned attendants
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize