Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
