Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
