actually, I'm a sock model
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
