toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
