Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
