if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This baby is an asshole
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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