haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
