nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
