Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
