she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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