his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
