so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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