Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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